The Art of Flirting

Ten steps to a successful encounter

1. Connect. Flirting is about connecting with someone. There are many possible kinds of connection: romance, friendship, business, casual. Who knows? If you can approach each person with an open mind about that unique communication, more doors will open.

2. Move. In order to connect, you have to talk, walk, and approach the other person. Do something, even if it's not perfect. Standing and watching and thinking about what you would do if you were brave enough is not flirting. Move.

3. Smile. At least think a smile. You can also smile, but more important is to put yourself in the mindset of smiling. Go into a flirting encounter with a smile in your approach, and more people will welcome the connection.

4. Speak. Now that you're moving and smiling, say something. No matter how shy you are, you have to actually talk to the person you are interested in. Good openings can be simple! Talk about the location, event, how you came to be there, the weather, clothes, jewelry, kids, pets, or even how shy you are.

5. Laugh. Humor is a powerful way to connect with people. Use your own style of humor to find people who have similar tastes. They might laugh or they might not, but either is good. Maybe they're laughing inside. Maybe they're shy. Or maybe they don't get you at all - better to know early. Bring your humor.

6. Be sincere. When in doubt, say something upbeat and pleasant. When in great doubt, say something sincere. Most people can sense if you are being genuine. Sincerity is super attractive.

7. Listen. Good listening and attention to that other person is the doorway to connection. Listen to what they say, what they don't say, to their body language and tone and everything else. The most effective flirters are the best listeners.

8. Practice. To get better at flirting, do more of it. Waiting in line, walking on the street, at the gym or the market, talk to those around you. Say hello, ask them their opinion, offer a compliment. Make contact.

9. Get rejected. Notice when someone isn't interested, or is saying "no" in a subtle or not-so-subtle way. Step back graciously! It's good to get rejected, so be proud of yourself. If someone laughs at you (not with), turns away, or says something mean, you get to increase your "I got rejected today!" score. You're getting out there. Be proud of yourself.

10. Courage! Most people are nervous when they talk to new people so you're in good company. Being brave doesn't mean not being scared -- it means engaging anyway. It means taking risks and meeting new people. Get yourself out there. Engage.

Sonia Lyris ♠♥♣♦ Version 2.0 ♠♥♣♦ Mar 2013
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